The Giraffe Effect (part 4 of 4)

The Giraffe Effect (part 4 of 4)
Feb 11, 2010


For me, the belief in some power greater than ourselves is very necessary in getting through the struggles of daily life. We all know that laughter is the best healer. And honestly, none of our kids would be here if we all didn’t have a pretty sizeable interest in sex. Do we agree so far? Ok. So at least we sort of, kinda, mostly agree to this. That’s a start.


But you just have to admit, it’s a tad bit extreme to change gears so quickly within the same browser.


So for all you guys (like me) that love the female body… for goodness sake, send ‘em on! The more the merrier.


But let’s decide now if our email relationship is gonna be Biblical or booblical. I just don’t know if I can handle both. I get more confused than a pre-pubescent gaylord in gym class. It kinda makes me feel like I’m keeping secrets from The Big Guy upstairs. I know he knows, but lets not advertise.


Now, for the record, I have no interest in seeing who just signed up on Classmates.com. I’m not putting all my family pics on Flikr. I don’t do MySpace because I’m over the age of 12 and I’m not a perv. I do use facebook though. I like facebook. It’s right about “my speed.” But that doesn’t mean I want to add crops on Farmville. And lay off the Gangsta Wars or whatever it’s called. I’m also not interested in all the virtual drinks and quizzes. Besides, I really doubt that the prom queen from high school really has anything in common with Angelina Jolie anyway.


Come on… I'm perfectly capable of wasting my own time.


I do happen to like the birthday reminder on facebook quite a bit though. Probably because I am a firm believer that most people don’t call and tell you "happy birthday" because of that awkward silence or those meaningless minutes of conversation that always follow the actual statement of “happy birthday.” It's just too uncomfortable. For both sides. They don’t want to catch up on old times (neither do you) or to hear about all the local drama going on in your life, they just want to acknowledge the day for you. (Actually for them.) More accurately, they want you to know that they did it for you, but it's actually for them.


Here's how to tell. Try this the next time someone calls to tell you “happy birthday” or “happy anniversary” or whatever, take note of how many times you smile and nod while you’re on the phone. You will actually be smiling and nodding and they can’t even see you. It’s all fake. Then notice the awkward pauses. There will be at least two. Also, take note of how many times you say “yeeeees, yes, uh huh, yes.” Then there’s the more than awkward experience of getting off the phone without hurting Aunt Hilda’s feelings. She called from Minnesota for goodness sake. After all, you only talk to her once a year (or two), you owe it to her. Right? Forget about being late for work or burning dinner. Spend some time on the phone. Do it for her. Right? (Wrong.)


Does anyone else believe that birthday wishes give more satisfaction to the giver than the receiver??? Think about it. Most of the conversation (from both sides) is spoken in a way that's not to hurt the other person’s feelings. It’s a remarkable phenomenon. We all do it.


That’s why I think eCards are very under rated. Their motto should be “When you almost care enough to type the very least!” Hallmark, eat your heart out.


Here’s where I smile and nod.


Just sayin’…