He had the makings of a pro back in 1978, at the age of 2, when he putted against Bob Hope on The Mike Douglas Show. This guy has been in the spotlight since before kindergarten. You and I can not even come close to imagining what that must be like.
Now that we’ve established that he’s the best, let's establish one more thing.
Remember the whole O.J. trial?
O.J. found out that his wife, the mother of his kids, was sleeping around on him in the house that he paid for, with the waiter from their restaurant, riding around with that waiter in the car that he bought and she didn’t even try to be sneaky about it.
In the words of Chris Rock, “I ain’t gonna kill nobody, but if he did… I understand.”
And O.J. wasn’t even the best.
We, the people, gave O.J. a mulligan.
I was in Wal-Mart the other day and this kid about 7 years old was whining and bitchin’ and moanin’ about waaaah wah wah… His momma told him to shut his mouth. He told her to shut up. His momma picked him up by his ear lobe with one hand. (His feet just about left the floor.) She twisted his arm behind his back like on Cops. She lifted him by the back side of his britches with her free hand and drug his little ass out of the store.
Now, I’m not gonna condone the abuse of America’s youth, but if she did… I understand.
And she’s not the best either.
We, the bystanders, gave her a mulligan.
So Tiger gets all this money, all this fame, all this support from the world for being the best! Then he gets caught doing something a little out of our idea of what his character should be.
Why do we really care where he puts his penis? David Bowie and George Michael are two perfect examples of how it's ok not to be concerned with the places a person puts their genitals.
People say that his wife is beautiful, that she’s a model. Well she’s obviously not the best! She’s got to be lacking in a few areas. She comes short in some department. (No pun intended.) We all know that for every beautiful woman in the world, there’s at least one guy that’s tired of putting up with her shit. Maybe Tiger has been telling her for years “baby, I’m tired of your shit.” Then again, maybe she’s tired of his… who knows?
But one thing’s for sure. So many people in the world get a mulligan when they get busted, and they don’t even deserve it because they aren’t the best.
So Tiger is 9 over par. I don’t remember Wilt Chamberlain feeling like he had to go into any form of seclusion and he supposedly slept with 20,000 women. Tiger had 9. Do the math.
Maybe the money from razor blades and sneakers weren’t the motivators he needed.
Maybe slacking down on the strange is gonna prove to be his kryptonite.
We'll see.
And it may never happen, but if it does… I understand.
